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The Red Flags: Recognizing the Common Traits of Toxic People


1. They’re self-centered.

Dealing with a toxic person can be incredibly frustrating. Such people act extremely entitled and may be aggressive to get what they want, while you might feel like you're giving too much without receiving anything in return. For instance, you might always be available to lend an ear to your friends when they need help, but they are nowhere to be seen when you need them. Similarly, you might have a coworker who insists on doing things their way and uses their seniority over you to achieve their goals, even if their ideas aren't the best.


2. They manipulate you.

It's not uncommon for toxic individuals to resort to manipulation to achieve their goals. They often employ passive-aggressive or subtle tactics to manipulate our thoughts and emotions, making it difficult to identify their behavior. Blaming others, playing mind games, and spreading rumors are common tactics that toxic individuals use to get what they want.


3. They lie to you.

It could be a potential sign of a toxic relationship if you feel that someone is frequently dishonest with you and you can't always rely on what they say. A toxic person's lies can range from small things, like claiming to have aced a test when they failed, to much bigger things, like insisting they received a promotion when they didn't.


A toxic individual may try to continually outdo you, even if it means telling lies to make it happen. For example, you might tell your friend about the marathon you recently ran, and they might respond by saying how they won a marathon they ran years ago, even though you know it never happened.


In certain cases, a toxic person might even try to harm you deliberately to sabotage your chances of success. For instance, your coworker might intentionally withhold a message from your boss, so that you end up looking irresponsible.


4. They’re controlling.

Jealousy can make people controlling and toxic. Though it's natural to feel possessive over your friends, family, or partner, toxic people tend to take this possessiveness to an extreme level. They may try to control what you do or who you hang out with, and even the smallest things can upset them. As a result, you might start overthinking everything you do to avoid upsetting them.

  • Let's take the example of your partner expressing disapproval towards you hanging out with people of the opposite gender. They may try to justify their behavior by saying that they love you so much and don't want to share you with anyone. However, this can be a sign of a deeper issue where they feel threatened or insecure. It's important to have open and honest communication to address any underlying concerns healthily and respectfully.

  • A toxic person's controlling behavior can isolate you from loved ones. For example, a partner may prevent you from spending time with family.

5. They aren’t compassionate toward you.

At first, a toxic person may appear friendly and outgoing, but over time, you may notice that they don't truly care about your well-being or feelings. When you approach them with a problem, they may offer half-hearted advice or change the subject entirely. For instance, if you confide in a friend about your career concerns, you would expect them to offer guidance or lend an ear. However, a toxic friend may brush off your worries and say something like, "You're overreacting; it's not a big deal."


6. They seem to attract drama wherever they go.

Spending time with a toxic person can result in frequent drama and arguments. Toxic individuals are often inclined towards complaining and tend to focus on the negatives in situations. Two common habits of toxic people are gossiping and starting trivial arguments.


7. Some individuals tend to believe that their opinions and beliefs are always correct.

Toxic people often find it hard to admit their mistakes even when they are wrong. They may not apologize for causing harm to others or even to you. This is because they are insecure and will do anything to boost their image in front of others.


8. They usually play the victim.

Toxic people never admit their faults. Instead, they tend to shift the blame onto someone else or make up excuses to gain sympathy from others. They might even turn the tables on you and make you the scapegoat, causing others to ignore or reject you. For instance, your friend might complain about their job but refuse to take action to improve it. They might say phrases like, “Life is so unfair” and “I’d be happy if things were different,” but they won't do anything to change their situation. Similarly, your partner might upset you and then blame you by saying, “Well, I wouldn’t have done that if you spent more time with me.”


9. They’re constantly putting you down.

If someone genuinely loves and values you, they would never say anything that would make you feel unsure about yourself. However, toxic people are capable of making belittling or even humiliating remarks that can be extremely hurtful. Although, in some instances, their low self-esteem and insecurities may be the reason behind their outburst, it still does not justify the harm caused by their words.

  • Belittling comments are usually intended to make someone feel inferior or inadequate. These comments can be disguised as jokes or come with an added "no offense" to attempt to minimize their impact. Regardless of the delivery, these types of comments can be hurtful and cause emotional pain. An example of a belittling comment is when someone says, "I don’t expect you to know this. It’s pretty complicated" or "Honestly, I sometimes wonder how you’ve made it this far in life." It's important to recognize and address these types of comments to prevent further harm.

10. They disregard your boundaries.

It can be incredibly frustrating when you consistently tell someone "no," but they continue to ignore you. Even if you have established boundaries concerning your physical and mental well-being, a toxic person will often show no remorse in breaking past them. When they repeatedly disregard your boundaries, it is natural to feel as though they have betrayed your trust.


For instance, you may have confided in a friend and trusted them to keep your secret between the two of you. However, you may find out that they have already told the rest of your friends not even a day later. Similarly, you may have told your partner that you are not comfortable with public displays of affection, but they may still insist on kissing you in public. They may try to justify their actions by saying, "I am only trying to show you how much I love you. Why are you being like this?"



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